It is raining inside

Today is a rainy day. Not just outside but also inside of me. An overwhelming feeling has been filling the pit of my stomach all day and it makes me feel… hard to quantify but everything got a little bit harder. I am not coping so well. This means that stress is getting hold of me. We have had a few full on days and the main things was that we terminated our contract with our tiler last night after growing unhappy about her work. This is a public place and I won’t go into detail. Enough to say that I am not sure how or even who at this stage will finish the tiling of our two bathrooms. My brain has been working overtime in the middle of the night when it should be sounds asleep trying to figure it out!

The last time I lost a lot of sleep was when I ran my glass design company. I rarely put down my laptop before midnight most days, researching, planning at weekends. I visited trade shows and organised events. I traveled abroad… Don’t get me wrong. I had great times. I sometimes felt on the top of the world, bursting with ideas and inspiration. I was taking on the world and… I overdid it.

Now it is different. I am taking my time. I am not perfect and I still can do or take on too much but I am better at recognizing the warning signs. Now I have a little hand that slips into mine and requires my attention, a little body to hold on close to my heart and this is healing me. My time is no longer just mine because when I became a mum, I learnt that priorities change and keep changing. You don’t do less, you do it differently…


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