This is probably the hardest blog I have ever had to write because, right now, I feel like such a mix of emotions. A real rainbow of emotions and yet I can’t help to think that my mind has shifted. So this post stayed here for days waiting for the right words to come out.
But first things first, just before Easter, we went to visit my parents in Normandy and spent a week there. It was a very normal week apart for the fact that every day was “sprinkled” with medical exams for my dad who was poorly. Since, more exams, many phone calls later and more knowledge about the fact my dad is now about to embark in one of the biggest and hardest journey to fight off the big C. I can’t even push myself to write the word because this is one no-one ever wants to hear, ever and yet so many are hearing these news everyday.
So for the last few weeks, I have been processing this in my head. I fell behind on everything. A mess. But because of a book a friend lent me during the holiday called “Working on yourself doesn’t work” by Ariel and Shya Kane, I now feel I can handle it. What is that book? Well it is based on the fact that if you are trying too hard, then things will probably stay the same and never change but if you let go, be in the moment, good things will happens, bad ones will complete themselves and go. To be honest, I wasn’t convinced when I started it but it is the first time I have been able to shut that nagging negative voice in my head. That never happened before! So I have carefully started sharing the news and again, not with everyone. Again a first for me as I tend to be quite open. (You may think this is strange as a blog is quite public. But for me, a blog is a space where we can explore our thoughts, share inspiration and exciting things and open a window on who we are without necessarily saying that much.)
Don’t get me wrong. This is not easy and there were tears but I feel stronger than I did before. I reckon that I can help mum, dad, my brother and my sister more if I stay positive and, somehow, channel positive energy towards them. I can’t change the medical side but I can, one word at a time, bring peace and hope. So whilst I let go of trying to solve it, other things started to happen like my work selling on Etsy and getting a commission. These may seem trivial in comparison but they are great things I can talk about on the phone, creating a bit of a distraction. And believe me I know I will need plenty of these. It is not about me but it is about giving them something else to think about. Each of us has a different emotional response and yet, we all need a little miracle for everyone going through this. So here is to helping thoughts and brighter days…