End of silence

I like writing. To me it is another mode of expression and another way to show creativity, share emotions and let out steam. I have missed writing  and my last post was April 2017. Why? Because my life has been on a roller coaster and I felt I needed time and space to process the changes before writing or rather blogging about them.

When I last wrote. I was on the cusp of studying mindfulness. I took time out to rest, read and be more gentle  on myself. I spent the time to learn more about myself , others and the world also in a gentler way. I have learnt to leave bad habits like venting and complaining behind and open up to gratitude. I had to learn patience. I stepped out of the rat race, the busy world we live in that tell us what to buy, what to think, what to do… There was so much guilt into what I thought I should do and even be. So almost two years later I feel I am in a completely different place and maybe I am a different person.

So what changed?

Well, losing my dad and my cousin and very recently my brother in law to cancer brought a lot of information, fear, and to be honest, I won’t go there again because it is not a nice place to be but it was part of the landscape. The hardest part of each period was to feel that I had to put my life on hold to a certain extent, to show empathy and support.

I retrained. In mental health awareness. In mindfulness. As a teacher. In safeguarding. In social enterprise… and breathe!!!

Yes all that.

I am a mum to a lovely little girl who is now 7 so that also takes time. The change of direction was very intense towards mindfulness and surprisingly this year has started to bring back a lot of creative work. Almost as I dropped trying, it came back. After being in the circuit of craft fairs and compliments not being a currency that I could use towards paying the bills, I put that on hold too. Actually taking a break is a good thing. Something we rarely do, but something we could do with having more of. Each time I got inspired, I used that energy towards my new classes of mindfulness. I kept on taking photographs and started drawing again after stopping for a long time. I can draw. I just don’t think I am good enough. Most of the time. So I took short classes online, some free, some cheap with a local group to my home. And then when it stopped, some with Tamara Laporte (www.willowing.org). Her style of drawing is very whimsical and I liked that because it came with less “real” rules and pressure of having to be life like. Slowly, my confidence started building, I delivered some sketch classes for a friend and started drawing from a place within I did not know was there. I can’t draw from what I have in my head and it usually takes a lot of research before doing so but this time it came simply and slowly. I will add a picture before I post this.


Now for the biggest change in my life. Here goes.

My husband announced last year he was a transgender in transition. He is becoming she. Processing that was b-i-g.

I was torn between being supportive (strong levels of empathy) and putting myself as a wife and partner on a shelf (that being on hold again) until I knew what that meant for me, us and our family unit. Trust me, it is not a process you can rush, neither airing concerns before you are ready online is to be taken lightly.

Now the dust has settled, there is more clarity about the fact I am not gay so changes are happening. Change has to happen but a lot is still fuzzy and undecided. It goes without saying that my mental health has suffered but the mindfulness training has proven to help tremendously so as I am developing a self-care package for myself, I thought it was time to reconnect, time to talk.

I have missed writing and I hope you will have enjoyed reading this. There will be musing moments, pearls of wisdom and creativity.

My angle has changed. I want to nurture people and to help them. I want them to know it is ok to be fragile and feel life is at times too complex and demanding. WE are all in this together. I can count  great friends that have given lots of words of support and encouragement so this message is a big thank you to them because they helped me through the last year.

So time to say goodbye to this period of silence and say Hello World once again.


When books lead you to other things

I have to admit I have never read as many books as for the last 4 months. None are fiction or even the type I would normally go for but it felt refreshing.

Now and then, I have started to read about a concept, a person and a tool. Whatever it was, if it picked my curiosity, I started Googling it. In fact, I started using my search engine, Wikipedia, Pinterest. I clicked on links and more links and I have gathered stars and gems. They started filling my heart with happiness, the very thing I was looking for but this time it came from inside because I was finding elements that resonated with me or should I say within me?

I grew up in a rural setting, had friends that were rarely my age (this is how few kids were living where I was) and at a time when Internet was at no one’s fingertips. I know it is now becoming harder to remember times before the www. and for the new generation it is an inherent part of life.

The one very subject that kept coming back was mindfulness. Then one night I was listening to a long (very long) talk of Tai Lopez and one of his colleagues (sorry I did not write down the name) mentioned MOOCs (in plain English a worldwide free access to courses on just about anything). I was there like a flash and found this www.futurelearn.com/courses/mindfulness-wellbeing-performance.

Screenshot 2016-04-20 16.29.39

Delivered by Monash University in Australia, I spent the last 6 weeks learning about tools I wished they had taught me at school! I learnt so much. The teachers Craig Hassed and Richard Chambers are amazing. The format was nothing I had experienced before. A mix of videos, articles and resources to read, a forum to answer questions and learn from others, feedback at the end of each segment. This is a new way of learning at a time that course fees are so expensive they are becoming out of reach… You guessed it, I don’t take no lying down very easily and I try to find solutions…

Now these tools of mindfulness are making a big difference in how I work, think and connect with others. My social and professional circles are expanding in unexpected ways but nonetheless very positive. On the face of it I have changed so little but these tiny changes are like an earthquake, shaking all the dust from old thoughts patterns and habits one step at a time.

(Futurelearn has a lot of other courses too…)

All of that started with one book! Choose well is all I can say, whatever works for you. Drop me a line and tell me what was life changing for you. It might be helpful to me and others.


The value of sharing

Writing after a long break can be a bit daunting. For me it is often “where do I even start”?

So last night I was reading a book called “Show your work” by Austin Kleon and this has given me a tip. Sharing one thing a day (more or less) about the things I love, experiment with, people I love the work off, my inspiration, work in progress or completed…

As it stands there are things I am working on right now that are not ready to be shared. It is a bit too soon so instead I am going to share elements of what is inspiring me right now. there will be a thread and a few detours (I don’t do straight lines or easy!) so as you follow this journey of mine you will pick clues and pieces to form the larger jigsaw that will reveal itself in the next few weeks and months.

First book to share with you: “Essentialism, the disciplined pursuit of less” by Greg McKeown.

essentialism bookI have always done a lot and on occasion so much I spread myself too thin. So finding a way to do less of what is more important started with this book. I have discovered that dipping in and out of a book is OK. Reading from cover to cover is not always what I need.
Of course this book has so much more but essentially it helped me in putting strategies in place to get rid of the clutter in my mind. I am not out of the woods yet but one day at a time suits me fine.

It’s been a long time

I cannot believe it has been so long since my last post. Well actually I can. It has been a whirl of activities with lots of craft fairs (lots of making) and running workshops so I found it hard writing as well as doing everything else.

My little one now 5 has started big school. This was a bigger shift than I thought possible. She is growing up. She is also spending more time away during the day so naturally, I started filling time with more crafting, sewing and anything necessary to prepare stock. It is amazing how much needs to be done just to participate to an event. Endless! Lots of fun but… you can end up with an empty tank. That was me in December. The last few shows gone, I finally settled to celebrated Xmas. My husband changed jobs after a period of uncertainty and associate stress but now he is a 10 minutes walk from work instead of a two hours commuting by train(that is when they are running on time or not breaking down altogether). I am now sharing my art room as my desk has been hijacked! OK I have free run of the rest of the house. Still….

So after a longer break than planned, I stared resting after feeling burned out. Now If you knew me, you would know that I don’t do rest. I don’t do “doing nothing”!  My diary used to be filled through and cracks and gaps that would dare to show a free space.

One thing changed though. I changed. Mindfully.Photo-2016-01-11-09-29-01

First I read a book called “Calm”. Beautifully tactile, it was a gem filled with the kind of pictures you see on Pinterest a lot. I started meditation and learnt that it is not what I thought it was. Just breathing, nice long  deep breaths. Then taking the time to notice thoughts, single ones, patterns, habits… I felt refreshed but still low in being able to define “what next?”. This had nothing to do with a new year resolution but rather something within that said I was not happy.

Bullet journaling diary, the end of classic diaries

Bullet journaling diary, the end of classic diaries

I am just coming out of hibernation after a lot of reading, drawing (having re-started drawing after 25 years interruption), and maybe the key feeling happier than I have ever been.

Now this is something coming from within, not looking for acceptance from others by from myself. Creative people can be so harsh with themselves. Trust me, I am one of them and it started when I was a child, when my mind started being non-stop.

It feels quite strange to write again. I know it will become more natural as I write some more but this is a reflection on the journey I have taken as a creative mum.

Someone I know said the media around us feed us a lot of short stories of success. Social media does the same when we get highlights of our friends life. Matching any of that, getting success takes time, work, good days and bad days but sometimes we need to know what is really going on, because we can relate to that and find strength in it.

I am now part of a community on an app called YOU. Beautifully made, it is full of people that set micro-actions to change their life. Don’t know what a micro-action is? Well imagine you want to change something big. Ok break it down in tiny pieces, this is where you will find micro-actions. Change happens beautifully in tiny actions that you make every day. And it is free…

the YOU app

the YOU app

This is one of the many things I have changed since I have started adding mindfulness in my life. But this is the start of another post so keep tuned until I write the next instalment.

Be happy, be safe, be well.


With smiles as always

Gaelle by the sea